Mental Health Day. (Revised)

So today did not turn out as planned. I got a call from someone asking me to cover them at the Get Involved Fair on campus. SO. i got out of my PJS, threw on my high heels and went to recruit people and get to know some other campus groups.  I got absolutely nothing accomplished today in terms of my agenda. Cool.

 So new Agenda for tomorrow.

Feminist Agenda:
Make awesome attention grabbing flyers to post all over campus and get people to come to Vagina Monologues
Paint the complicated part of the Vagina Monologues banner
Return Punch to Hobby Lobby (It didn't work the way I wanted it)
Learn to say no.
Student Agenda for the day:
Read Anne Frank, in entirety
Read Shakespeare
Read Bio Lab, do report
Learn to say no.

Christian Agenda:
Figure out how I feel about marriage (this one may take some time, am giving myself a week to write up a logical plan)
Learn to say no




oh. did i mention. I want to learn to say no to people.

Mental Health Day.

So this morning has been rough. I woke up, got a cup of coffee, looked at my planner and broke down crying. And all before 6:30. So. I'm taking a mental health day. I'm not going to class and Im going to spend this time getting ahead on my work.

Feminist Agenda for the day:

Make awesome attention grabbing flyers to post all over campus and get people to come to Vagina Monologues
Paint the complicated part of the Vagina Monologues banner
Return Punch to Hobby Lobby (It didn't work the way I wanted it)

Student Agenda for the day:
Read Anne Frank, in entirety
Read Shakespeare
Read Bio Lab, do report


Christian Agenda:
Figure out how I feel about marriage (this one may take some time, am giving myself a week to write up a logical plan)

So... Why are you doing this?

Here's a pretty O'Keefe
painting for you to looks at.

  

My mom made a comment the other day about how I'm "all of a sudden" becoming a fashionista. Which is false.
I have always been like this.

    I dressed up in heels in high school and got mocked to high heaven for it. So I choose not to dress up anymore. I wore jeans, sneakers a ponytail and a pull-on hoodie for most of high school. Even when I did dress up, i played it very safe. And I got really used to dressing like that, so much so that it followed me to college (which I swore I would never let happen).

 My sophomore year at Bg I ran into someone  I went to high school with and she said  "oh my gosh, you look exactly the same!" My response was "No I don't, I'm completely different".

   ....on the inside. Yes I had grown up. Yes I was in college. Yes I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt every single day. From then on I tried my hardest to not just wear the basic high school uniform and most people now know me as "the fashionable one". I get phone calls for advise on what color to wear and every helped an old roommate pick almost every single outfit she wore, including the one she wore for her first date with her now husband.

 My friend Shayna (who is adorable herself)  always tells me how cute I look, and then reminders herself aloud that she tells me that every time she sees me.  I work in retail and at my last job was part of the visual team, ya know the girl who gets to dress the mannequins. I loved that job :)


But a few months ago I really started to think about how fashion/ clothing can really impact your life. The clothes you wear express so much about who you are, what taste you have, your political viewpoints, a la hippies of republicans in blue suits (seriously flip on C-SPAN, they all wear blue suits, it's weird). Clothes can denote class and education level (professor vs "staff" professors vs students). Clothes can make you attractive or can repel a whole room. The outside of your body is as much a part of you as the inside of yourself and needs to be treated as such.

My fashion reflects the thoughts I have on the world. It should be clean and simple, it should have interesting little twists and just a hint of sparkle and charm. (The world really isn't clean and simple, but I wish it could be). My fashion reflects my country side in it's practicality and sense of purpose ( I wear duck boots when it snows and heels when I go to the club, flats for the 15 minute walk to class) and my feminist perspective, yes look at me, but see more, respect me and my decisions because they are well thought out and pulled together, much like my cardigan/jeans/boots ensemble well thought out and pulled together. No my look is not something to gawk at, it is simply part of who I am. The outer shell of a human being.  The clothes I choose serve a purpose and function, just like me. I serve a function and have a purpose.  I show what I wish to whom I wish.  You will not see my boobs just because you want to, it is my right to choose to let/make you see what I want you to look at.  I work hard to pull the eye of passersby up to my face, so they can look me in the eye, like an equal.  My clothes help me do that. They help you see a whole person and not just a cute bag, or a nice skirt. They are part of a whole outfit, much like my outer appearance is part of a whole person.

Day Dos.

Today is day two. I ran some errands. I went to work. I am boring sometimes. I am grateful that I have a job though, even with its ups and downs, and I'm glad I have a mom to vent to.

I took some pretty pictures.

Those are leg warmers under my boots and flipped over the top to look like a sweater liner.

                

Day one

So today I had class yay! It's really nice to ease into the new semester like this. The thing is, when you get to 4000 level classes, you've already read so much material that a lot of it repeats. Which is the case with one of my favorite feminist writers Adrienne Rich. I still use her essay Compulsory Heterosexuality to write analysis papers. It just applies to everything! She writes such beautiful and poignant things. Even though she wrote in the 50-60s, much of what she has written still speaks volumes to me every time I read it. 

It is exhilarating to be alive in the time of awakening consciousness; it can be confusing, disorienting, and painful.
                                                                                                                 -- Adrienne Rich


As someone re-discovering themselves, or growing in a way different form one which they are accustomed, it hurts to find the new me. Some call it growing pains, others say its a shedding of the old skin and stretching out of the new. I know Rich is talking about the feminist movement but I love that I find it applicable to my new journey of self discovery. It's a challenge every day not to simply give up and go back to my old ways. Likewise,  this new challenge is one that will erase those old ways completely.

Speaking of challenge....

       

Challenge Accepted

there are a few challenges floating around on the internet on the everyday fashion blogs that I follow.
Two of which are 30 for 30 where you were 30 items in your closet for 30 days creating as many outfits as possible from said 30 items, mixing in jewelry and handbags

the other is re-style  where you take old things that are no longer wearable and or vintage and make them into something new.  Thinking about these as serious contenders.

I love a cotton candy sunset :)

Well today was an adventure. Got some quality time with my dadsies. He's such a goof!  Got new tires on the truck and Goodwilled!!!!

 I love shopping. I hate spending money. Therefore I love spending very little money and getting lots of stuff. 

Plus Goodwill is a non for profit organization that funnels there revenue into job training for those lack education or job training, have a disability, or for other various reasons are having employment difficulties. I love that not only do I get cute stuff for little dough, but I'm also helping people at the same time. 

It's a double win of awesome! 

So now I will bore you with pictures of my haul. Total spent 24 smackers. Total items 9.

I got: 

These fabulous shoes for $1.50

an adorable lace collar shirt for 2

                                     

  an olive green cardigan with diamond buttons (I'm gonna wear it with an ivory belt) 

I also got some scarves and a black and silver belt. 

Plus this Chanel look-a-like purse for $1. It even has the tassel. 

Goodwill buy. $1

Original. Costs $185

Family

I spent most of today with the greatest niece in the whole wide word. She lights up my life. Really she does.
I've always wanted to have kids and she makes me want one even more. The more I think about how much my family means to me, the more I realize I want to someday start one of my own.

Lady Z and the T Monster

(note the crazy family resemblance and they're only cousins) 

So HaPpY 

She's a chsirtmas monster ;)

So today I was driving home to my parents house and I heard an old Garth Brooks song on the radio " If tomorrow never comes" A thought struck me. If, for some reason, I didn't wake up tomorrow. Would I be satisfied with the way I spent my last day on earth? True I haven't achieved all my goals but I am happy with my life.  I do have a lot to be thankful for, but I realized that I need to try to live each day to the absolute fullest so that I can go to bed and be alright with not waking up.


How to do that by doing these things everyday
Make someone happy.
Call a family member
Tell them I love them
Mean it
Help someone, even if I don't like them
Breathe and savor the chaos because someday you will miss it.

Well Hello! I'm Bekka and I'm making some changes in my life.  Welcome to my blog. That's so weird I never thought I would have a blog. But after much thought I decided the best thing to do was to share the growth and understanding that I've been gaining lately.

So why change? Why does anyone change? Things aren't working. i realized that while I have a great life: a loving family,wonderful friends, a safe comfortable home and plenty of opportunities  available for success and achievement like my education, my life seems to be missing something. Purpose? Direction? I'm not sure. That's what I'm trying to figure out. And you can come along for the ride!

Changes in itemized list:
1. Strengthen my feminist agenda through community service and outreach
2. Figure out how Christianity and feminism go together (I know they can)
3. Put my best self forward not only mentally but physically
4. Reconcile all facets of myself: Country Feminist/Christian (or Christian Feminist )with Nordic origins. Yea it gets a little messy at times figuring out which one to be.